Picking a Kerala houseboat that is actually worth it

Cruising hours are the whole product

Almost every houseboat listing quotes noon check-in and nine-thirty check-out, and almost none of them says how much of that is spent moving. The legal cruising window on most of the backwaters ends at sundown, so a boat that boards at noon and moors at five-thirty has given you five and a half hours of actual cruising out of a twenty-two hour booking.

Ask the operator one question before you pay: what time do we moor, and where. A boat that moors at six near Kainakary is a different holiday from one that moors at four-thirty beside the main Alleppey jetty.

The narrow channels are the point

Big boats — the three and four bedroom ones — are restricted to the wider channels because they simply cannot turn anywhere else. That means Vembanad Lake, which is beautiful, open and slightly monotonous after the first hour.

A one or two bedroom boat can take the narrow canals through Kainakary and Chennamkary, where the backwaters do the thing you came for: paddy fields below water level, toddy tappers, kids rowing to school. If there are two of you, the smaller boat is the better boat.

The cook matters more than the star rating

Food is included on essentially every houseboat and prepared on board, usually by a crew of three doubling as captain, cook and deckhand. This is where the price difference actually shows. A good boat serves karimeen fried to order and lunch that arrives while you are still moving; a cheap one reheats and moors early to make it easier.

If you eat fish, say so at booking — the karimeen is bought that morning, not stocked.

One night is usually right

Two nights on a houseboat sounds better than it is. The second day repeats the first, at the same speed, in the same eight square kilometres. Most travellers get more out of one night afloat plus a night in Alleppey or Kumarakom than two nights on the water.